Journal Entries

A couple of months ago we lost C-Nut’s “Baby.” It’s a little pink plush doll with a rattle inside that Grandma W. gave her, and which she’s loved and slept with since she was an infant. I was surprised how much I missed Baby; PDaniel too. I had a distinct feeling of loss those days, almost as if we’d lost CN’s twin, or at least as if some part of CN had been lost forever. A cloud descended over the household, and we were all a little depressed. I’ve never mourned another inanimate object more than I mourned baby for those few days, as we searched the house and the car (the only places Baby is allowed to go) over and over.

CN’s face shone like a light when we found Baby. I was talking to PDan in the kids’ room when I noticed the underwear-and-sock hanging bag in DB’s closet had fallen down. I reached down to pick it up and reattach it to the pole, when I heard something rattle. Could it be?? It was! Stuffed in with DB’s socks was Baby! I vaguely remembered putting socks away a couple of days ago—I must have accidentally put Baby away too. Hallelujah! A weight lifted from all of us and all was right with the world again.

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Last night I had a dream that I was riding to a music recital. On the back of a cow. Down a road choked with humongously overgrown tree roots.

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PDan and I have been reading the first Harry Potter book to DB and he LOVES it. So much more than I thought he would. He knows all the characters, keeps track of their names. It’s so fun to share this with him--PDan and I are having a great time doing all the accents and voices as we read, or trying to—and I’m proud of the fact that he has an attention span long enough to sit through whole chapters at a time. I’m glad his imagination is in such good working order. I see kids in his class that are excellent readers, have great handwriting, play the cello…but I am so proud that my child has a love for stories. Those other things are good too, but I’d rather this, if I had to choose.

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Saturday afternoon, I lost C-Nut. DB and C-Nut had both had a boring day and were begging to go outside, so we finally tried to go on a walk. But they were being so awful—complaining about the direction we were going, the lack of food, everything. At first I was trying to be accommodating but finally gave up and said we were going home. We’d barely made it around the corner of our apartment! DB planted himself on the sidewalk and said he wasn’t going anywhere, while C-Nut was dying to go home. So I looked CN in the eye (she was sitting in her stroller) and told her not to move, while I went to get DB, who was maybe 10 yards away. CN nodded seriously. But when I turned around, the stroller was empty.

I wasn’t too worried initially, because I figured she’d just gone home. But I looked there, and she hadn’t. Then I looked around some more…no CN. I’d thought Peter had gone to priesthood, but he’d felt like he should stay home and help me with the kids, so he came out when he heard me calling for her and started looking. Esther came out of her apartment too. I wasn’t sure if I should start running somewhere to look, or if I should just look behind bushes and stuff; maybe she was hiding. I felt kind of paralyzed, so I just stayed where I was and kept calling her name. Minutes passed…no CN. Peter said later that at that point he said a desperate prayer, and felt that it would be all right, but started running down the hill. On the way down, he met our friend Madelyn, coming up to the playground with her kids. She was holding CN’s hand. CN had run all the way down the sidewalk, across the parking lot, down the “bunny hill,” and across the street, when Madelyn had found her and brought her back up. Thank goodness. PDaniel and I each made CN cry, getting her in trouble. CN felt terrible. Good…I hope she never runs away again. PDan and I were so distraught we were in no mood to cook dinner and went to In-N-Out for drive-thru burgers. (I hope CN doesn’t think it was some kind of reward).