I forgot to mention that I threw a brunch party last week for a few of the women in my ward who are having babies this summer.  It was fun.  One of the women is a big Anne fan, so I made strawberry scones and raspberry cordial (straight from the Anne of Green Gables Cookbook), and a friend brought a yummy lemon cake, and I dug out an old Anne soundtrack CD.  It made me want to thrown an honest-to-goodness Anne party someday, maybe for Cookie-Nut, when she's interested.  

TMI time:  I went to the temple yesterday and thought more about the to-have-more-kids-or-not question.  It’s sure a difficult one, fraught with guilt and second-guessing.  I feel these days as though my life is more balanced than it has been in a long time, and I really value that:  I’m exercising a little, working a little, spending time with my kids, writing a little, cleaning my house a little, spending time with my husband a little.  I feel great.  I know that having another baby will throw that off, and if I have one, don’t I need to have at least two more?  So they’ll have playmates?  And then it will be at least six more years before I attain my present levels of balance, and that’s hard for me to fathom.

Then the guilt sets in.  I’m being selfish.  And of course I’d love a baby when it came.  But would I resent it too?  And then feel guilty about resenting it, because I loved the baby so much?  And then ignore it too much?  And don’t I have more time to serve and help others now (like all the babysitting I did today and will do tomorrow), because I’m freed up a little more than women with more kids?  And then there are PDaniel and Dangerboy, neither of whom handles stress particularly well.  DB needs more time with me as it is, and what would happen to that?  I need to consider them too. 

And then I think, well, if I finish my book, I will have accomplished a major goal.  Maybe then I can have one more baby, one to be cuddled and spoiled by the whole family? 

I grew up with only one other sibling.  And we were fine.  But it was what God wanted, right, because Mom just never got pregnant again naturally, and Dad didn’t really want any more kids. 

I think I came away with the feeling that it’s up to me.  And PDan (who is inscrutable when it comes to this question).  That either way, it’s OK.  But that’s hard for me to wrap my head around, with all my Mormon conditioning.  To be honest, I think I’d be happier stopping with the two kids we have now.  If it weren’t for the guilt.

Which is where the surrogacy thing comes in.  I think it would help assuage the guilt.  Don’t know if I’m right about that.

Cookie-Nut:  Mom, can you balance books on your head?  (Yes).  Like the ladies in New York?  (I had images of beautiful models practicing runway walking.)  With food on their head?  (Turns out she was getting New York mixed up with Africa…we talk a lot about travel in our family!  It’s easy to get places mixed up.)

More than real life

So last weekend I either had stomach flu or ate something weird. It took a few days to recover, and I still haven’t felt like myself on the elliptical machine. I’m down to my lowest weight in a while, even before the flu. I’d be happier if it didn’t mean have to give up an hour every night of staying up with PDaniel so I can go to bed early (10:00) and wake up to go to the gym. If Cookie-Nut would go to bed before 9:00, it would be better, but usually she doesn’t. She sure isn’t tonight. One of us has to keep an eye on her until she goes to sleep or she’ll get up and wander around.

I had a performance at BYU last week that didn’t go well. I don’t really want to remember it, but here goes, for future laughs: I had to perform with two other pianists onstage looking over my shoulder (long story), which made me nervous; I put up my music upside-down; I did NOT play as well as I practiced (nerves); I lost my balance as I was bowing and had to lean on the pianist next to me; I (without meaning to) probably made said pianist feel bad backstage after the concert. Which was sad, because she is a very nice person, and an excellent pianist. Argh. Other rehearsals and performances have been fine, I think, but one bad night can damage a reputation. :(

Everything else is going OK, more or less. The kids have been talking about death a lot. At a St. Patrick’s day party at CN’s school, Dangerboy decorated his wind sock craft with a picture of a skeleton and a broken heart being pierced by an arrow. Oh, and the word “DETH.” Cookie-Nut told me (again) today that she likes me, and doesn’t want me to die, in this case, to be eaten by lions. ARE MY KIDS OK??

Cutenesses:

Dangerboy (after CN threw a fit because I wouldn’t let her have another piece of gum): “Cookie-Nut, you know, gum doesn’t matter more than real life.” (He gave this as a piece of brotherly advice, as we’d said similar things to him many times).

CN (resigned): “Yeah, I know.”

And another:

(DB was throwing a fit in the tub because he didn’t want to be there.)

DB: But Dad, I can’t remember how to do this! (i.e., wash himself)

PDan: What? Why?

DB: Because I haven’t done it in a long time!

PDan: (belly laugh) That’s why you’re taking a bath, kid!!

Of love and teeth

Journal highlights:

--Yesterday Dangerboy decided he wanted to make milkshakes after school, so I let him do it himself, with minimal help from me. He had a recipe he’d found in a book. Cookie-Nut, who was in the bathtub, could hear the blender whirring and asked me what the sound was. I said DB was making milkshakes. She said, “By himself?!?” I nodded. “That’s great! He’s learning!” she said maternally. I felt the same way. I love it when my kids are independent. I need to be better about teaching them how to be.

--DB doesn’t say cute little-kid stuff quite as much as he used to, but he’s still as cute as can be. His big blue eyes still make my heart skip a beat, and his dimples just make me happy.

But, we found out he needs to have his two front teeth removed because the permanent teeth underneath aren’t growing right (they’re growing straight out!), and I’m so sad about it. He doesn’t ever get to have wiggly teeth, and no prep for PDaniel and I either…just, suddenly we have a toothless first grader. No more baby-teeth smiles. It really breaks my heart. And I feel so bad for him that he has to go through it. Having teeth pulled is traumatic.

He did amazingly well at the extraction, considering how scared he was. He was very brave, didn’t struggle much, panicked only a little, and cried not at all. It was better than last time in that he didn’t feel much pain—none at all when the teeth were pulled out, actually.

Before the appointment, PDan gave him a blessing, which he wasn’t sure he wanted at first, but I think maybe it helped. (The kid has an aversion to praying which I’m not really sure what to do about.) I took a really cute last picture of him with his baby teeth, too…then CN and I promptly dropped the camera on the kitchen floor (those tiles break anything they touch, they’re so unforgiving) and broke it. There goes another $300…sigh. I think I can salvage the picture though.

DB got to pick the ice cream and movie that night. He chose Superbowl Swirl (whatever that is) and Cars 2. And he got $10 from the tooth fairy (she splurges for extractions).

--Today was Valentine’s Day. We basically ate junk food all day. I got donuts for breakfast, then was brunch. I put a brownie (heart-shaped) in DB’s lunch, and the kids ate lots of valentine’s candy from friends. We had heart-shaped Papa Murphy’s pizza for dinner, with fruit and Martinelli’s, and each of the kids got a little stuffed animal and a little box of candy from us. PDaniel and I aren’t doing much…trying to save money for New York. Hope we can scrape some together so we don’t have to starve while we’re there.

One night, at bedtime (I love those times!), we were talking about how PDan and I met and dated, and I told him that I hoped someday he’d find a nice girl to marry. (He’s considered it…he gave Tiger Lily a ring when he was four, expressed desire to marry a sweetheart named Riley in preschool, and his latest crush is a little freckle-nosed blonde in kindergarten—he saved the valentine she gave him in a place of honor). Anyway, his comment this time was, “What happens is my birthday and my wedding are on the same day? Then I’ll have two cakes!” He’s thinking ahead.

Cookie-Nut has crushes of her own. Hers is a little guy named C. in her preschool class. The other day we were eating snacks, and she said, “I love C. He’s my boyfriend. I love to kiss him. I’m missing him so much” (pout). Where does she get this stuff? She doesn’t even really watch princess movies.

More cutenesses:

CN is getting good at rhyming. I tried to kiss her cheek, and missed, so I sang “Air-kiss!” And she sang back, “Pear-piss!”

CN’s word of the day was “Moab.” It was in a scripture story I read to her last night, and she just kept repeating the word at random times throughout the day. She just liked the sound of it, but I was surprised she remembered.

I asked her if she wanted a ponytail this morning, and she said she wanted “frogtails,” because tadpoles have them before they turn into frogs. So I have her two low ponytails, and she was satisfied, though she said she really would have liked them more if they were green.

Her latest volcab is “never mind” and “usually”, like when she announced at dinner tonight, “Usually, baby cows drink milk.” It’s pretty cute to hear her talk like a grown-up.

I was strapping her into her carseat tonight, and I saw her looking at my earrings. “Do you like my earrings?” I said. “Yes, she said, “and I like your brown hair and your eyeballs, and your pretty lips!” It warmed my heart.

CN: “Mom, I think I’m ruined.” (I forget the context…maybe she had on ouchie or a stain on her clothes?)

CN was playing in the car by herself for a while. When I went to check on her, the car didn’t smell the same as it had. “Cookie-Nut,” I said, “Do you have to go potty? It’s kind of stinky in here.”

“It wasn’t me, Mom,” she said. “A stinkbug came in here and did it.” (She’s been blaming lots of things on fictional creatures lately).

CN often remarks that someone or other (usually her) is “faster than a bullfrog.” She’s shown off for complete strangers by shouting, “Look at me! I’m faster than a bullfrog!” as she takes off running.

CN: “Mom, what are we having for dinner?

Me: “Swedish pancakes.”

CN: “Dangerboy! We’re having selfish pancakes for dinner!”

DB’s starting to ask fun metaphysical/religious questions. The other night at bedtime I overheard him and PDaniel talking about the origins of the human race, and another night they were talking about heaven. PDan was trying to explain the three degrees of glory, and DB was trying to understand. Finally, it came down to what he really wanted to know. “But, Dad,” he said, “Where do people go who are mean to their sister?”

(He went on to explain that he knows it’s wrong, but sometimes, he just can’t help it!)

Another day, while I was making dinner, he commented, “I think if someone smokes in church, they’ll go to jail and die.” (We had a talk about that one too.)

Us, Part One

I met Peter at band camp in August of 1994. We had just moved to Rexburg…we’d come early so I could be there in time to go; it was a requirement of the marching band. The first time I saw him, he and Ryan N. were walking to the practice field, and Ryan was holding drumsticks. They looked approachable, so I asked if they were drummers. Nope! Trumpet players, unfortunately for me (I was in the percussion section, playing mallets on the sideline). I ate lunch with a group of kids that included PDaniel and Wendy A. that day, and PDan told this joke: “What did one blade of grass say to the other blade of grass? Hey, we’re not the only ones—there are lots of us!” And Wendy thought it was hilarious and I didn’t get it at all. It was just part of “Rexburg humor,” which didn’t make any sense, and which I didn’t really understand until later. What would I have thought if someone had whispered in my ear, “there’s the boy you’ll marry”?

PDan remembers that he saw me for the first time standing on the curb being dropped off for band camp. He remembers what I was wearing: white shorts (too short for Rexburg, a fact I was oblivious to), and the James Madison T-shirt Mat Dragoo had sent me from college before his accident. PDan remembers what I was wearing on almost every occasion. I sure picked a good guy, though he puts me to shame—I don’t remember what he was wearing even this morning! Wait, no, I do. But I don't always!

Journal Excerpts

The other night I went to a RS conference at which Claudia Bushman spoke. She really motivated me to keep some sort of journal! Someday I may not remember anything, and it would be nice to be reminded what happened in my life. She focused on recording the truth, no matter how un-pretty. But I want to record plenty of the pretty things too. So, here are some excerpts from the journal I've kept over the last week or two.

...

One thing Claudia Bushman said in her talk last week was something like, “Journaling is a zero-level activity. No matter what you do, it’s better than nothing.” I got to thinking, I worry about not being good enough at music, or writing, or mothering…but maybe all those things are zero-level activities too. Anything I do, any effort I make, is better than nothing; it puts something positive and creative into the world that wasn’t there before. So why not make the effort? Even mothering, which is the hardest…I may not decide to have tons of children, because I don’t think I’d be good at it, but I can do my best with the two I’ve got, right? Of course right.

...

Today we went to a Faded Paper Figures concert at a club called The Mint in LA. We took the kids…it was a short afternoon concert, very family-friendly. The music was a little loud for the kids (Cookie-Nut wouldn’t wear her earplugs), but we all had a blast! The kids danced with their friends the Romney boys and PDaniel and I sang along. It helped that we all knew the music from listening to both albums in the car. The band members (whom I can take credit for introducing to each other) are our friends John Williams and Kael and Heather Alden, who used to be our ward. And now I can actually say that we went to a smoky little club in LA. I admit the whole atmosphere appeals to me. Much better than the overcrowded Dave Matthews Band concert Pete and I went to in AZ. Much more “atmosphere.”

...

PDaniel and I tried for a while to stop watching TV at night so we could do more productive things, but apparently it’s how we reconnect. When we stopped we got kind of depressed.

...

I had a much-needed “day off” yesterday. Now that C-Nut doesn’t take naps any more (and hasn’t for months and months) I really have no alone time. I really need it—it definitely helps me be more sociable when I AM around people. It’s funny—I didn’t want to be an English major because I missed people too much and hated being alone all the time, reading and writing. Piano accompanying was a nice balance, because I had alone time to practice, but the rest of the work was with other people. And music departments can be really nice, supportive communities (like ASU was) so that was great too. Now I am constantly around people—mostly my family, mostly kids—and ache for time alone. And my poor husband is alone all day and aches for together time! So in order for me to be happier together…I need to get away sometimes.

...

So, while PDan took Dangerboy and C-Nut to a primary activity and (when they got home), played with non-Newtonian fluids, I worked on my stories; exercised; tried a new Ramen restaurant for lunch and finished the book Michael K; hit a sale at JCPenney and got a new Easter Dress for Clara (black with white flowers and green trim) and some new sneakers for Caleb. Then we had a nice family evening, ate biscuits and gravy and smoothies, watched some Scooby-Doo; and after the kids went to bed, we watched the Firefly movie Serenity. A good day.

What I did last summer.

In conclusion, here's what I learned in my somewhat blind foray into home school. I still don't think I can do it full-time. At least, not the way I'd want to. I had a lot of fun, but I still don't understand when everything gets done. When do I have time to do the background learning it takes to teach someone else, especially about science, math, etc.? And then teach them? And then do all the other things that need doing in life? And then actually have a life, or at least my own hobbies and pursuits?

I know people do it, but I think it maybe becomes a hobby in itself--even a sacrament, and/or a sacrifice. I'm just not that good, I think. Too selfish, I sadly admit.

But, we had fun, and I think I'm going to do it again, this way anyhow. I think it's a fun and educational way to spend our breaks, at least, without getting bored. Hopefully I can convey some love-of-learning that I see so much in my awesome friend Amanda and her kids, who home school with gusto. If I could, I'd send my kids to her school!

For now, stay tuned for our next time. I'll give you a clue...it's be an awfully big adventure!

Who's your mummy?

Our last "home school" week was almost a flop, but we got one cool field trip out of it, at least! I had rather half-baked intentions of doing cool projects and such that just never got done. Oh, well.

Dangerboy wanted to study mummies. After looking at the picture books l=the library had to offer, I was a bit trepidations...mummies are basically dead people. And pictures of them can be pretty harrowing. But DB was fascinated by them, and not too scared at all (at first, mwahahaha). So we read lots of books on mummies around the world, cat mummies, pyramids, and the terra cotta Chinese warriors (totally different, I know, but I needed another topic).

And we watched movies: the Tutenstein cartoon, not my favorite, but kinda cute; Night at the Museum; Prince of Egypt; and Scooby Doo episodes with mummies in them (this stuff is strictly for fun).

I got a cool book from the library with fun ancient Egypt-themed projects in them, none of which we did. They involved making play-dough mummies, moving heavy books the way ancient Egyptians moved bricks for the pyramids, writing in heiroglyphics, and making a decorated mummy collar. Sounds fun, right? We totally missed out.

I was at a loss about snacks...the book suggested cucumber salad with yogurt sauce, a Middle-Eastern dish. My kids would never have eaten it, but I almost gave it a try. And cheese-block pyramids. Wait, I think we actually did that, come to think of it!

Our field trip was cool though--we went to the California Science Center's exhibition "Mummies of the World." Actually, it was a bit pricey, so PDaniel and DB went while CN and I explored the Ecosystems exhibit, and the boys joined us there later. PDaniel said DB didn't love the mummy exhibit, actually; seeing dead stuff in pictures is less threatening than seeing it in real life. So, it was a bit scary. Understandably. But DB used to be a little scared of mummies, and he no longer is, so there you go. Knowledge is power.
The Center is enormous and technically free, though there is a place where you could (and should, what you can) donate at the entrance. We only had time for the Ecosystems exhibit, which I loved! It is huge, and a really cool blend of fun interactive exhibits and a dose of art/design. I'm too tired to describe it all, but all ages, from toddlers on up, could enjoy it. There's an aquarium area with a touching pool, a "rot" room with all sorts of bugs, an awesome tree room with a tree house and lots of pretending opportunities, an ice room where you can take pictures on a snowmobile and touch a wall made of ice, a huge sculpture made out of fast-food trash...there's a lot to see and do! And we were only in a fraction of the museum. I highly recommend!

Bungle in the Jungle

Well, I want to chronicle the last two weeks of home school that turned into, basically, themed summer-camp (very little school-type work actually getting done). But it's so long ago that I don't remember everything. Here's my best reconstruction.

Week three was rain forest week. We broke it up into several different categories, and every day we studied books from the library about that particular topic:

• Fruits of the rainforest: the kids were blindfolded and asked to guess what rainforest fruits and spices they were tasting--there were obvious ones, like mangoes and bananas, and ones you wouldn't immediately think of, like chocolate and cinnamon. Then we ate rainforest fruit salad for a snack.

• Amphibians of the rainforest: I got a Beanie Baby shaped like a tropical frog and we played "poison frog hot potato" with it. We shaped fruit roll-ups like snakes for a snack (yeah, I know they're reptiles, but they're close, right?)

• Rainforest trees and plants: we went around our apartment complex and collected various leaves to see how their shape affects the way water rolls off of them. We actually nener got to this part, but we did collect the leaves! We talked about how many decorative plants we have actually come from the rainforest, and how many trees there have large leaves to collect as much sun as possible, and yet how they're shaped so that they direct water right to the forest floor. We also painted pictures of the rainforest using a leaf stamp I got at JoAnn's. We were going to collage with real leaves, but alas, we didn't.

Oh, and we had "Venus fly traps" for a snack, made as shown with cream cheese (colored green) and raisins. DB was obsessed with carnivorous plants for a while, mostly because he thought they were people-sized. They actually grow in swamps, but the rainforest has other carnivorous plants, so we lumped them in. (Shown with our real Venus flytrap, mentioned below).

• Mammals of the rainforest, including people. I broke out a pan flute and a recorder (South American instruments) and we tooted around on them for a while. We may have created a band. For snacks we had frozen chocolate-covered bananas. Yum!

We went on two awesome field trips. One was to the Sherman Library and Gardens in Corona Del Mar (free on Mondays--inexpensive any other day). They are lovely--great for a date, you can even eat lunch there--and they have a greenhouse full of tropical plants! We saw some cool ones and asked if they had any carnivorous plants, as I had remembered them having. They didn't on display, but they did in their shop! So we took one home, and DB was thrilled. It perished not long after, but it was good while it lasted.
We also managed to get free-day tickets (available once a month online) to the Huntington Library and Gardens, which have a jungle section outside AND an awesome greenhouse full of rainforest/cloud forest/bog exhibits (including carnivorous plants! Yay!). Those are right next to their children's garden, which is so fun to explore. I have more pictures, but my computer is not cooperating right now. This was a fun week, now that I remember it!
Oh, and for movies, we watched Ferngully, clips from Planet Earth (the birds of paradise are soooo cool!), and Diego. And we could have watched Jungle Book and the Curious George movie, but (curiously) we didn't. :)

I am the walrus?

Well, I'm getting behind on my blogging, as usual. But I do want to report on what we've been doing! I've been worse and worse at making time for "school" as our vacation and DB's actual school gets closer and we are so busy. But our large-ocean-animal week was fairly successful, so I'll report on that.

This week (which was a couple of weeks ago) we focused on sharks, dolphins, walruses, penguins, and manatees--basically all the stuff I planned on seeing at Sea World on our field trip (we have passes--thanks Mom and Dad!). As usual, we checked out a bunch of nonfiction books from the library and had a few fiction-y ones on loan from my mom ("Tooth Trouble" was cute, and a good one for preparing to go to the dentist). We did some reading and rhyming, and a little bit of writing (I've been bad about practicing writing :(--he's going to forget all his lower case by the time kindergarten rolls around! Oh well).

And we did some projects: We made penguin costumes. OK: I did. (It was a hard morning to begin with, and the costumes were a bit under-appreciated. But I got a cute picture out of it.)

We made a sand/shell collage with sea critter drawings.

And I bought some diving toys shaped like some of our animals for a day the kids went swimming (DB's learning to dive for stuff).

A couple of our activities were also our snacks. We tasted nori (dried seaweed--"this is what manatees eat!")--but I knew they wouldn't like it. So we made fruit makizushi--that's a sushi roll. Only we used fruit roll-ups, rice prepared with coconut milk and sugar (I think--I can't find the recipe now), and fruit in the middle. They failed because my rice was too soupy--I forgot to refrigerate it--and the fruit roll-ups were super sticky--I should have used wax paper between the rolling mat and the roll. But they tasted really yummy!

We also made peanut butter balls (no-bake) and rolled them in coconut to make "snowballs." We ate "boats" for lunch one day--peppers with tuna inside.

And had shark-shaped fruit snacks for bribes, of course.

For movies we watched parts of March of the Penguins (it was a bit long), A Shark's Tale, and Atlantis. Free Willy was another one we could have watched (I'm saving some of the other fishy ones like Nemo for when we study fish, maybe in the fall).

Then we had our field trip! I really like Sea World--the vast majority of the population won't ever get this close to these animals in the world--aquariums are not rich enough to house them--and I really think it helps a species to have publicity and interaction. I never realized how obviously intelligent dolphins are, for instance, until I saw them interacting with people from inside their tank.

You could do a whole unit just on their Arctic area, which is really a transporting experience all on its own. I love the beluga whales--they look like moving, floating marble sculptures.

So beautiful. We got a really good looks at a GIANT walrus this time too.

And found out from our books that it isn't unusual--they just look like that~! The thing was at least 15-20 feet long, body the girth of a redwood, with a little pinhead. Weird creature.

No more manatees, though. They got shipped back to Florida. Pity. CN got a great pic with her idol, Elmo, though. She couldn't WAIT to see him, and when she did, she couldn't stop hugging him! Or rather, she stood there solemnly, all snuggled into him, until it was time to go. And she went happily, satisfied. Cookie Monster tried in vain to get her attention!

So that was our ocean week. Next time: a trip to the rainforest.

Stars in our Eyes II

On our observatory trip last week, we found ourselves stuck in an intersection in LA. I looked out my window and saw a guy standing at the crosswalk, talking on the phone and waiting for the light to change. It was Michael Cera! I immediately turned to PDaniel and said, "Hey! It's that guy! Look!!" PDaniel also recognized him at once. I tried not to look back again, but I had to before we drove away. He noticed us recognize him, and had leaned up against the pole so we couldn't see his face. Can't blame him. He wouldn't want people taking pictures of him with their phones, and posting about him on their lame blogs, right? Right?

Just kidding, I didn't take this picture. His hair was much shaggier than this.

We enjoyed his characters in Arrested Development and Juno, and I just watched Paper Heart recently, so we were pretty excited. It was my first current-celebrity sighting.

Stars in Their Eyes

Home-pre-school, second week:

When we did dinosaurs, the kiddos were sick and we couldn't go anywhere. Thusly, we had more time. This week, the "school" thing is rapidly turning into more of a "camp" squeezed into the spare minutes between swimming lessons, trips to playgroup, beach day, the store and the dentist. And our field trips. All of which are pretty darn important too!

But, last week we studied space: You know, the final frontier. Every day we read our "research" books on the planets; stars--constellations, and also where they come from; rockets and the moon landing; and comets and black holes. The whole topic seemed a little more inaccessible to both of them, the pictures in the books harder to understand. (We liked the astronaut's toilet though, haha.) We did our rhymes, and DB persevered in his reading, though it was harder to get him to write any letters. Oh, and we danced to "Age of Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In," 'cause it's fun, and 'cause it's got lots of planet and constellation words in it.

Here are some of our projects: we made a model of the solar system, using our dining room light as the sun. We even labeled a few of the planets:


We also made a "black hole" bean bag game, with the help of PDaniel and his jigsaw. Then we filled up some old socks with beans and tied some sparkly ribbons to them for tails--Voila! Comets. I totally used it in my little-kid piano class too--I quizzed them on their notes while listening to Holst's "The Planets," and they got to toss a comet through a black hole if they got it right.

They also played outside with DB's old stomp rocket, which all kids love.

For treats, we had starfruit,

jello jiggler stars, sun chips and space dogs ( which were....hot dogs), "rocket ships" (which didn't look much like rocket ships, but oh well. They still thought it was cool):

Oh, and on the last day we watched ET and ate Dippin' Dots ice cream (which I called "moon ice cream"). I found some astronaut ice cream at REI, but didn't want to make the drive. Maybe another time. They liked ET, though it was a bit long. CN really liked the John Williams soundtrack.

Then we went on our totally cool field trip to the LA Observatory. It was fun! The observatory is free. If you go during the day, you can see the sun through a special telescope. We'd like to go back in the winter, when we can see through the night telescope at a reasonable hour. DB and CN sat through the Planetarium show quite well, and DB was impressed by it; it was about $15 for the four of us (PDan a student and CN free). DB totally appreciated everything more because we'd been talking about it.

Mother's Day 2010

I woke up (late) this morning to the sweet smell of mouth-watering crepes, which we filled with all kinds of yummy SoCal fruit. Dinner wan Coq-au-Grape Juice, lovingly slaved over again by PDaniel, for THREE HOURS. Tuesday he is, theoretically, giving me the whole day off for my Mother's Day present. Today was all about the food (he did all the dishes too, BY HAND). He also wrote a very sweet card which I know I'll pull out on difficult mothering days to come.

For her Mother's Day present to me, Cookie-Nut figured out how to climb on top of the (small) file cabinet in my bedroom and look out the window. Thanks a lot, only daughter.

Dangerboy had kind of a punchy day, but it started and ended well. In the morning, he gave me the second of two presents he made for me at school. The first was a rather halfheartedly-made key chain (given with his whole heart, or course). This second was a large card with his hand print in purple on the cover. Inside was a portrait, Mrs. potato Head style, of me, with the caption "MY MOM." Then there was a transcript of a little interview:

My mom's favorite color is: "I think it's pink."

My mom likes to eat: "She likes to eat Japanese food."

How old is your mom? "I think she's 39."

What does your mom do while you are at school? "Going to the store. Sometimes stay at home and plays."

What does your mom like to do with your daddy? "Like to talk."

What do you like to do with your mom? "I like to go outside and play."

If you could buy your mom a present, what would it be? "Buy something to read."

Why do you love your mom? "Because she likes me."

I liked this because I didn't realize how well my son knows me. With the exception of my favorite color (my iPod is pink? Other than that I don't really own any) and my age, which I don't really expect him to know, everything else was spot on. It poked my heart a little to think that the reason he knows his dad and I like to talk, and that I like to read, is that he sometimes has to wait for my attention while I do those things. And I think that sometimes he acts out because he can't have all the attention from me that he craves.

But he needs soooo much! And he loves me soooo much! How in the world can I live up to it?!? And if I can't, will he ever forgive me?

Ah, the questions of motherhood.

My Mother's Day with DB ended outside, with DB counting stars and me tallying them up in a book he made today, a la Curious George. He saw about 61.

And miles to go before we sleep...

How'dja like them apples?

The guy stacking the avocados at Sprouts told me I have beautiful eyes. Flattering. A couple of years ago the grape guy at the farmers market told me I had a pretty smile. Only twice have I been so complimented by unwitting single guys since my marriage--and they both are produce workers. I blushed. I've never been quite as comfortable around the grape guy....silly, I know.

The past week or so

A week or two back, the kids got into one of my jewelry boxes, which happened to be full of shiny red heart-shaped confetti. I managed to contain a lot of it, but have found it scattered around the house ever since. It's cute, really. I found one in the bottom of the laundry basket. On my collarbone the next morning. Next to the bathroom sink. On the bottom of DB's foot during a tickle fight. Just little reminders of love at home.

Went to Mary Poppins in LA last week with a couple of other women in the ward. It was pretty cool! The effects were the most memorable aspect, I think...my favorite parts were when Burt tap-danced on the ceiling (though I thought he must be so uncomfortable) and when Mary Poppins rose up over the audience with her umbrella at the end and flew away. She flew from the stage all the way over to the balcony and up into the ceiling. It was pretty impressive! The audience in the balcony went crazy when she reached them--so happy to finally get some attention!

DB and CN have been sick. CN has another cold/sinus infection, and they're both getting over hand-foot-and-mouth disease. It's not quite as bad as it sounds--a common childhood illness--but the worst part is that DB has had sores in his mouth and it hurts him to eat. And he's been QUITE grouchy. I guess you can't blame him, but he really has reverted to quasi-toddler-like arguments at times, throwing enormous tantrums when I can't reattach the crusts to his bread after I cut them off, and stuff like that.

One sweet regression: I was lying with him on his bed after his bedtime routine, and he asked me to stay. It was so sweet: he was getting drowsy, so I got up to leave as I usually do, but he'd wrapped his hands in my hair, just like he did as a little little guy, and said softly, "I don't want you to go." Well, of course I couldn't after that! So I stayed until he was almost asleep, the little charmer.

I'm having fun with my new iPod and iPod-friendly boom box in the kitchen (Christmas windfall, along with the shows I've been to recently). I haven't bought much new music yet--poor, poor, poor--but I listened to all the U2's Joshua Tree album yesterday. I'm going to get rid of most of my old CDs next time I do a purge, but that album is still good. I also got a special on an audiobook on Audible.com, which I highly recommend, and have loved being able to "read" which I do other stuff--driving, the dishes. It's like a dream come true.

Cookie-Nut has enjoyed getting into my bedside drawer lately and loves to bring me things from it. She proudly brought me a handful of cough drops, and gave them to me, saying "Meh-shee, meh-shee," and shaking her head. That means, "Medicine, and I'm not supposed to eat it." Smart girl! Every time she does things like that, it reminds me of this song, which I love, and the lyrics "I love it when you give me things,\ and you could give me anything."

A postscript: the song referenced in the last paragraph is the Peter Gabriel version of "The Book of Love." I linked the song as it appears in the finale on Scrubs, which is on in our house sometimes. Was anyone else annoyed that JD's baby was NOWHERE in that finale slideshow, or even the walk-through of the hospital at the end with all the memorable faces? Hel-lo!?!

TMI

Yuck. Cookie-Nut pooped tonight in the bubble bath (shared with DB) and it wasn't discovered until the END of the bath (because of all the bubbles). Nasty. I was not home; poor Pete had to disinfect the whole bathroom and the kids too. Oh well--I can think of at least two instances of being alone with the kids at night and having to clean up a barfy bed, which is at least as icky. Ah, parenthood. The weird thing is it's gross without being as gross as it would have been five years ago.

Arrrr again

We're walking through the cold today and DB says, "Shimmery timbers, it's so cold outside!" Also, a muddy puddle is a "muddle." (Yes, it is!)

Cookie-Nut likes to say "hi" to everything and everyone. Also, two of her favorite words are "wa-tee" and "wet" (even before this week's storms). This week, whenever we go out, she points to any old thing and comments, "Wet." Today she upped by pointing to a puddle and saying, "Wet. Hi, wet!"

On a sadder note, we've been having trouble getting her to sleep at times. It may be that we haven't been outside much this week (because of all the rain), and therefore haven't worn her out enough, I don't know. As I write this she is crying herself to sleep again. Sad.

Also, between Haiti and these bad storms, with their weird tornadoes in Huntington Beach and impending mudslides elsewhere, it kinda feels like the end of days or something. I don't really think it's the end end, but it makes me want to check on my emergency prep stuff. I think The Road screwed me up for good.

Damp

Between the rain, the overflowed toilet, my daughter playing in the humidifier water, and all the ensuing laundry (towels), life feels damp today. (Dangerboy, flushing later on, after the mess was cleaned up: "Please don't overflow, please don't overflow...")

A Day in the Life II

Today, I:

• Hacked most of the fat off a roast and put it in the CrockPot (yuck).
• Carpooled Dangerboy and one of his friends to and from preschool.
• Did four loads of laundry (our laundry room is not in our apartment--lots of lugging back and forth).
• Did the morning dishes (no dishwasher).
• Made rolls (from scratch).
• Made three sandwiches for a picnic.
• Forgot the sandwiches, ate emergency-pack energy bar for lunch (pretty yucky. I think my car emergency supply could use some rethinking-the kids didn't even want them).
• Played with the kids at the park.
• Put Cookie-Nut down for two naps.
• Taught two piano lessons.
• Played for a 2 1/2 hour kids' music theater rehearsal.
• Ate dinner.
• Put Dangerboy to bed.
• Straightened up the living room.
  
• Watched Glee.
  
• Folded all the laundry and put it away.

I did not:

• Eat breakfast sitting down.
• Practice the piano for upcoming flute recital.
  
• Put Cookie-Nut to bed (thanks PDaniel).
• Do the dinner dishes (ditto).

Today was unusually busy and tiring, but writing it all out doesn't make me feel as accomplished as I thought I would. Hmm.

It's so haaaaaard...to say good byyyyye...

Well, it's the beginning of PDaniel's fifth year in grad school, which means that many of the lovely friends we've made here are gone, or leaving soon. Happily, even in this pitiful economy, many of them have still managed to find jobs this year! Whoopee!

The down side is, most of Dangerboy's friends--whom he has known basically his whole short life--will be leaving, or have already. For example, all the other kids in this picture, who DB has played with on a regular basis, will be gone by the end of the year:These friends are gone already (to work at a certain Ivy League school, the lucky stiffs):DB will most miss, I think, his best buddy Tiger Lily, who moved last month. She was our neighbor for almost four years, and they played together almost every day. I'm not sure the adoration was equal on both sides--girls can be fickle--but DB has loved her dearly.

DB had been thinking about Tiger Lily, and told me one day, "Mom, when I'm big like Daddy, and (Tiger Lily)'s big like you, I want to marry with her." Later on, after he had seen the movie Up, he said that he would marry her and move to South America. He even picked a ring from my costume jewelry and presented it to her when she came for her goodbye play date. I didn't hear the actually proposal, but I know she accepted, because I heard her yell across the playground "(DB), let's marry now!"

We miss you, Tiger Lily! (And the rest of your family too!) Here's a picture of the happy couple (with ring and DB's other friend Cheetah-Cute):

"Modest" Bathing Suit Review...

...Ahh, if only it were a Revue...
So I've been looking for a new bathing suit. It's been about ten years since I had a new one, and both fashion and my body are a leeeeetle bit different than they were, say, when I was nineteen. I own two bathing suits--one is a generic black ribbed number I think I got at Walmart; the other one has buttons. And is plaid. I need say no more.

I don't really have the time to go slogging through malls looking for the ideal suit, particularly under florescent lighting (am I right?) so I started looking online. And it became a bit of an obsession.

I'm now familiar with practically all the websites that sell "modest" swimsuits, but I discovered (again) that there are levels of modesty. Most of the the "Mormon-owned" clothing companies sell suits that actually cover the least skin. And then there are suits that cover significantly more, the philosophy being that there shouldn't be a double standard for land and sea modesty. (Which I get.) These sites cater to Mormons, but more often to Jews, conservative Christians, and Muslims.

The Mormony/Christian/Jewish ones usually turn out looking like dresses:That's OK and stuff. I like the sportier ones from Ohana. They look more like something you'd see on the beach since they kinda look like wetsuits: Hydrochic has some sportier ones too, looser, and with sleeves.

Then there are the Muslim suits:
And now I don't feel that I can even pretend to be modest wearing a standard one-piece. But, oh well; I don't like swimming with clothing swirling around me, and I can't really pull off the sporty look. I do like to feel the sun on my shoulders.

So here's my review of the not-really-modest "modest" swimsuits. I noticed most of the "modest" sites cater to women under 30, I think; more flirty than sophisticated. Any of these suits run about $80; a bit of a splurge, but I figure if I play my cards right it'll last another ten years!

• I liked Hapari's tankinis best, if I didn't have kids (to stain a white-background suit) and wanted people to look at me (I don't--I just want people who happen to see me not to run away in terror. Like they do when I wear the black suit). Here was my favorite:
• I also liked Layers's tankinis, again, if I were 10 years younger and/or looked like the models.
  
• I liked these retro ones, but unfortunately I have hips.
• Land's End's suits were nice if a little boring for my taste. They had a great function where you can try the suit on a virtual model of your size...wait, did I say that was a great function? Actually I did it, and realized I did not look good in that suit.

I am pleased with the suit I ultimately bought from Shade Clothing. It's not as flashy but I think it's a bit flattering, and it was cheaper too. (They're even on sale now, running about $50 for a whole suit). I actually sent the top back because some it the stitching was a bit bunchy, so I don't technically have it in hand (the picture below is the web site's not mine!)--but when it finally comes (again), it will be a satisfying end to a long search.

And a long post. Boy, I spent waaaaay too long doing this, but like I said: it was an obsession. And now to find the perfect cover-up...

PS, I forgot to put some of the sites that got the"gong:"

Modbe: Actually does have some cute tankinis, but rainbow-colored ruffles around my hips? Maybe if I were six.
These too-wholesome little numbers. Their site says their suits are meant to draw attention to the face, not the body...but I'd be distracted by the fact that these poor women have to swim in something resembling a body bag.