Yesterday I played for a funeral at church. The woman who passed away was named Kim; she'd been a member of the church for less than a year. I didn't know her, but I'd seen her around, and once she made a kind comment about Dangerboy, but I don't remember what she said. She was in her thirties--had been ill for about four years. I came away wishing I'd known her. She and her husband had been together since junior high (she was a straight-A student); she worked with autistic children and was passionate about helping them; she donated a kidney to her father and help him live ten years longer than he might have; she was very committed to her new church membership, e-mailing the bishop often. Her family (in speeches) said she had a plan for everything--the bishop said that in one of her last e-mails, she wrote up her plan for a system of increasing sisterhood in the Relief Society. What a lady. Wish I'd have been able to know her better 'round here.
The service was uplifting; despite the heartbreak the family must have felt, there were many touching, funny moments. And while I know that funerals are for the living, whenever I attend one it's impossible for me not to think of what my own funeral might be like--or what I'd like to see, were I able to attend it. I'm actually somewhat serious but, don't worry, not planning on leaving anytime soon. Hope this isn't offensive to anyone:
--In the place of honor, my senior picture should be used (the photographer's blowup) as a monument to my vanity, even if I live until the age of 101 or more
--Music and poetry should be chosen meticulously; John Cage's 4:33 might allow for contemplation and get a few laughs (it's a completely silent piece); old folk hymns are good too. And I like Louise Gluck's "The White Lilies" for poetry, though there are probably others.
--After a glowing eulogy, allow for some open-mike time (not more than, say, 45 minutes)--if nobody can think of any fond memories, not-so-fond ones will do, or better yet, outrageous lies (think "she spent every spare moment making sweaters for oil-spill-damaged penguins" or something).
--Although a New Orleans jazz funeral would be ideal, it's probably unrealistic; so how about recordings to play to and from the cemetery--a jazz dirge on the way there, something upbeat on the way back to get everyone in the mood for a good Mormon funeral buffet. (See this Langston Hughes poem--another favorite--scroll down on the page to see it in English)
--No viewing. (I don't think Kim had one either, actually.)
--"In lieu of flowers" donations should be sent to children's charities, if anyone feels the desire.
I think that's it--if I think of anything else...I'll change it!
The painting is Funeral Procession by Ellis Wilson
The service was uplifting; despite the heartbreak the family must have felt, there were many touching, funny moments. And while I know that funerals are for the living, whenever I attend one it's impossible for me not to think of what my own funeral might be like--or what I'd like to see, were I able to attend it. I'm actually somewhat serious but, don't worry, not planning on leaving anytime soon. Hope this isn't offensive to anyone:
--In the place of honor, my senior picture should be used (the photographer's blowup) as a monument to my vanity, even if I live until the age of 101 or more
--Music and poetry should be chosen meticulously; John Cage's 4:33 might allow for contemplation and get a few laughs (it's a completely silent piece); old folk hymns are good too. And I like Louise Gluck's "The White Lilies" for poetry, though there are probably others.
--After a glowing eulogy, allow for some open-mike time (not more than, say, 45 minutes)--if nobody can think of any fond memories, not-so-fond ones will do, or better yet, outrageous lies (think "she spent every spare moment making sweaters for oil-spill-damaged penguins" or something).
--Although a New Orleans jazz funeral would be ideal, it's probably unrealistic; so how about recordings to play to and from the cemetery--a jazz dirge on the way there, something upbeat on the way back to get everyone in the mood for a good Mormon funeral buffet. (See this Langston Hughes poem--another favorite--scroll down on the page to see it in English)
--No viewing. (I don't think Kim had one either, actually.)
--"In lieu of flowers" donations should be sent to children's charities, if anyone feels the desire.
I think that's it--if I think of anything else...I'll change it!
The painting is Funeral Procession by Ellis Wilson
4 comments:
First dibs on open-mike time....
I'd like to take a look at that senior picture! Ha ha!
I'm with you on the "no viewing." In fact, I'm pretty sure I want to be cremated. I love your poetry idea too. Lovely choices.
You know, Jana has her funeral planned out in detail. One time she lead the study group discussion on death and funerals.
glad to know i'm not the only one who thinks about this...
now my first choice would be for a total viking funeral with my corpse sent off a-viking with all my books, but that's probably not a realistic goal.
but what i do want is a celebration. and lots of music (and no "how great thou art"). i've even got a CD mix that i want given out of songs that mean something really, really important to me. i keep it updated (and will continue to do so). and of course i hope to die sometime long into the future when CD's are a thing of the past and perhaps i can share more than an hour and fifteen minutes of music from beyond the grave.
i like the idea of Cage. i may poach that one.
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