Dear sirs,
In light of my son's recent sacrament meeting injury (five stitches), I am writing mostly to request that all pew corners, especially those on the brackets holding hymnbooks, be sanded down and rounded to prevent further accident. Until this time, all women in my ward will bring slitted, multicolored pool noodles to church in order to babyproof the benches which are so frequently the cause of injury.
Also, since our church does not provide nursery services for toddlers during sacrament meeting, I have several suggestions to make the chapels themselves more baby-proof and kid-friendly, thus contributing to the overall silence, and thus atmosphere (if not reverence) of the service:
--Hymnbooks' corners themselves should also be rounded (the old ones get that way, but the new ones need to come so).
--Hymnbooks should also be shut with baby-proof clasps; they should also be board books, able to be written on with erasable marker.
--Wet-wipe dispensers and disposal baskets should be installed on the back of each pew...
--...As should mess-free dispensers of snacks (Pregnant women and hypoglycemics would also benefit from this)
--Better yet, tiny televisions broadcasting Book of Mormon cartoons could be attached to the back of each pew, (similar to JetBlue's seats) but with cord-free headphones
--Take another cue from JetBlue--add about a foot of leg room between each pew so kids can entertain themselves on the floor without whacking their heads.
--Let's just pad the undersides of all the pews too though, just in case.
As for the cultural hall seating:
--CARPET the cultural halls; all of them.
--Provide full coverings for metal folding chairs so that A: they don't become percussion instruments and B: they don't become jungle gyms.
--Even better: provide some sort of sound-proof play area in the back (slides? bouncy house?), with the meeting piped in through speakers.
--Even better: Move the play area to a different location. Then it wouldn't even have to be sound proof.
--Even better: Get people from a different ward to babysit the toddlers on the play area during sacrament meeting. Then the meeting wouldn't even have to be piped in.
I guarantee meetings will be much quieter for parents (and the somewhat grouchy small-child-less) if these helpful suggestions are followed.
Sincerely,
Me.
(Any more ideas, friends?)
5 comments:
Thank you "me" we'll take these things into consideration.
Dear sirs,
You also need to install baby gates on the ends of the pews. Taller ones. Just in case those don't stop them, baby gates at each entrance up to the stand as well.
You realize that even a blunted edge would still cause the face to split open . . . How about making the entire hymnbook holder out of the pool noodle?
Dear ‘Me,’
Here at the Office of the Presiding Bishopric we take a less than serious view of letters written by people who are too afraid to submit their name, stake, and ward. How are we to know you are a fully tithing paying member, the sort of person whose suggestions we should take seriously?
In light of the lack of provided information, I suggest first that you contact your Home Teachers regarding this issue. Maybe they as a team can garner the support of an upcoming Eagle Scout and convince him to take on your ‘noodle’ suggestion, not that I have any idea how spaghetti can help. Do you expect the children to be distracted by eating pasta?
If that doesn’t work maybe a direct plea to your Bishop will lead to a Relief Society gossip-fest while quilting hymnbook holder covers?
We encourage our members to be resourceful and solve issues such as this at a local level.
So, ‘me,’ see what you can do, and in the meantime – stay at home.
Sincerely,
The Presiding Bishopric
Sorry Christi – I couldn’t resist having my own go at this! Hope Caleb is healing well!
Great suggestion, Megan! Why didn't I think of that?? Random carpenter, if you live in Newport Beach, let's hire you. And Beth, LOVE it! I laughed so hard. Sooo funny. Myu mom loved it too.
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